


Second time around

by Ta_Moe



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: F/M, M/M, Magic, Post Season/Series 05, Reincarnation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-13
Updated: 2015-09-14
Packaged: 2017-11-25 08:27:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 18,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/636984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ta_Moe/pseuds/Ta_Moe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin has been waiting years for Arthur to return as the Dragon had once told him. After centuries he is about to give up hope, but then his magic flares up and he knows - Arthur is back and he makes a decision...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

At first he came everyday to the lake, but after a month had passed he realised he wouldn't return that soon. Then he came once a month, soon years were gone and he came less and less frequently until he visited only every two years.  
Everyone he had once known had long died and he found himself left alone in this world, a feeling settling in the pit of his stomach telling him he would never see him again.  
And yet here he was, at the lake, decades later, hoping and it still hurt, the memories of that fateful day would haunt him forever.  
Centuries passed and the world changed, people changed nit he had remained the same – as promised.  
Yes, he had grown old, more than once even, he had seen and experienced things. He had hidden away from wars he didn't find worth fighting, feeling disconnected from this place and time.  
There was and always would be only one man he would follow, fight his battles.  
After hundreds and hundreds of years, Merlin had almost given up hope, Arthur's story had turned into legends that no one believed in anymore, his own name depraved to a crazy man in children's tales.  
He had grown old and tired, feeling stupid for waiting for a ghost.  
It was then, one day, that he felt a long forgotten tingle in his fingertips, his magic souring under his skin as if woken from a long dreamless sleep and his heart skipped a beat in excitement – hope.  
Merlin rose his head from the sink he had just placed a mug in and looked out of the window.  
He could see the lake from his little old cottage but it didn't see him. In his pain he had sought out solitude, hidden from the world he didn't feel right in. A small area was covered in a fog of invisibility - his hideout. No one knew he was here and he liked it that way. Getting to know people, making friends would only cause more pain and bitterness. He would always watch them die, leave him.  
The prickling sensation didn't subside. Merlin sat down on a bench in his small kitchen and tried to concentrate. His magic flared up and he closed his eyes, letting his magic work.  
His heart was beating faster and louder and he suddenly knew.  
Arthur had come back.  
A single tear made its way down Merlin's cheek and his magic vibrated inside him, jumping in joy. Cutlery, chairs, even the heavy bookshelf in the corner of the room were dancing on the spot.  
Merlin got up and ran to the old mirror in his small bathroom-  
He had aged but the sheer happiness about Arthur's return had softened his features.  
Arthur had come back.  
He didn't know where, how or why but one thing he knew for sure: he was back – reborn as a baby.  
Merlin had no real idea about this world, rarely left his hideout, and was sick of waiting around doing nothing - thus he made a drastic decision.

 

The bell rang and a young woman opened the door of her house, she looked around and when she couldn't see anyone her eyes turned to the floor where a small bundle was lying.  
She took it into her arms and unfolded the linen that was wrapped around the little body covered inside. It was a baby. The woman's eyes widened as the little child smiled up at her and cooed.  
“Honey”, she called back into the house and a friendly looking man came to her side, wondering who had been at the door that late at night.  
“It's a baby”, she said and turned around a little note that was stuck next to the baby in the blanket, “And apparently his name is Merlin”  
She smiled at her husband.


	2. Chapter 1

Growing up Merlin didn't know who he was. He didn't even know what he could do and even less did he know how. But one thing was there throughout his life, there was something missing. It was a feeling he got when he woke up in the morning and followed him through the day until he fell asleep at night again. A restless notion in his mind was telling him there was more to his life than he knew. As if a piece of him had been ripped away.

His parents had been wanting a child for years. When they had found him it had been a miracle to them, a sign from heaven that this child was meant to be in their care.  
It hadn't been easy for them to get him adopted, but since no one knew where he had come from, they somehow had gotten around to get him. One year into taking care of the baby they were allowed to call him their son and they loved him like their own.  
Merlin grew up in an easy neighbourhood, a small village outside from all the dangers of the big city and yet he had no friends.  
Only 9 months in having Merlin his parents figured that something was odd about their child, but they couldn't tell what it was. At first they thought their minds were playing tricks on them but after Merlin turned one year old they realised that their baby boy was indeed special.  
It had come as a real shock when they saw the floating sponge above the sink, dropping to the floor only seconds later and it had been even more shocking when they had realised that no other person than their own son had let that happen. Merlin simply giggled and his father and mother exchanged worried looks.  
As time went by, Merlin's tricks as they tended to call them, became more and more frequent that they had to think twice before going out with their child where other people could see them.  
It wasn't as if they were afraid of him. It was more like they were scared of what other people would do to him if they found out their toddler could make things fly in mid air out of pure will.  
Thus, however, brought Merlin into seclusion and he was not allowed to go to kindergarten or preschool like every other child. He also didn't make any friends within his first 4 years.  
But as he grew older Susan and Thomas told him to not use his abilities, to keep them a secret and hide them. The first time the little boy with a black mop of hair, sitting on his favourite spot on the soft dark blue couch in the living room, heard those words he became quiet. It felt all too familiar.  
He didn't answer, just nodded.  
Merlin didn't speak for a whole week after that.  
When his parents were starting to get worried, new neighbours moved in into the house next door. They had a young daughter, just about Merlin's age and the children hit it off right away.  
Her name was Isabelle. She was Merlin's first friend.  
Time passed and Merlin barely used his 'magic', what Isabelle had named it, only when the two of them were alone or no one else was around to play with for Merlin, and they got into primary school.  
Merlin wouldn't let go of Isabelle the first day and they were sat next to each other and shared a bench. However, soon they both had found their places in class and even Merlin had learnt to deal with other people and his magic went into the background. He rarely used it and he thought less and less about why he had been born with such abilities when he wasn't even allowed to use them.  
They got into junior high and when Merlin turned 14 he found himself in a pretty good life.  
He had many friends, was well liked at school and brought home good grades. He was like any other teenage boy the only thing that was different about him was his magic. Merlin used it only in secret and never told his parents about it. They would only worry again and he didn't want to trouble them even more. He pretended his powers had gone when he had been a child and they had never come back again. It was a complete lie because he and Isabelle – they both knew that his magic had grown even stronger.  
Sometimes they would meet out in the wild forest that lay right behind the old rotten fence of the church only a couple of houses down the road from where they both lived, and they would play around with his magic.

“Merlin”, Isabelle shouted one day after school, when he came back from his PE class.  
Ever since they had entered junior high they had been split up into two different classes, but had stayed friends nevertheless. They were neighbours after all.  
“Belle”, he smiled broadly at her, throwing his backpack over his back.  
“You know”, she threw her straight red hair back and ran a hand through it, “that guy... Tyler, he was making a move on me again today”  
Merlin looked at her. Her eyes were of a bright green and freckles were dotting all over her nose and even her cheeks. She was making a pouting face and Merlin couldn't help chuckling at the way she was standing there in her light blue summer dress, hand on her hip and a small pink bag in the other hand.  
“So? You like him don't you?”, he shrugged and they started walking.  
It was a warm day and the sun was shining down at them, brightening up not only the streets but also Merlin's mood.  
He had never been good at sports. And today had been another one of those when their teacher had found fault in everything he had been doing.  
“Yeah”, Isabelle said, walking next to him, “but not like THAT”  
Merlin looked at her wondering, “No? I thought you did? You flirted back before didn't you?”  
She stared at him and sighed, “Yes... once, but that” She looked at him again, “had been for another reason”  
“Oh... well then, just tell him no”, they crossed the street and saw the old church in the distance.  
“It's not that easy”, she insisted, “He won't back off no matter how often I tell him no”  
“Give him a proper reason and he will back off”, they passed the shattered fence and walked into the forest. A narrow path wound its way into it where a high beech was encircled by a sea of bluebells. “Like tell him you have a boyfriend”  
Isabelle stopped in the middle of the flowers as Merlin walked on. He only stopped shortly before he reached the tree.  
“Belle?”  
“Merlin”, she said quietly and came towards him, taking his hands into his own, “I know you better than your own parents, I probably know you better than yourself”  
He watched her lean closer.  
“I thought... I mean... I like you, Merlin”  
There was nothing he could do than let her take the lead and let her kiss him. It was a chaste kiss. His first kiss and he didn't know what to make of it. It didn't feel as special as everyone made those first kisses out to be, but it didn't feel bad either.  
Isabelle smiled up at him and he smiled back.  
Were they a couple now?  
At least the people at school said they were and Isabelle called him her boyfriend, but all in all they still did the same things they had always done. They went to the cinema together, played around in the forest and did homework together. From time to time she would press a chaste kiss to his lips when they said goodbye or hello, but otherwise nothing had changed.  
It was not until his 15th birthday, during summer holidays, Isabelle was gone for two weeks with her parents to visit their family, that he felt a change inside him. That longing feeling of something missing was something he had always known but with the time it grew louder and more prominent. 

At summer camp, he was participating in a drama club where he met new people and they were making a small theatre play. He wasn't among the actors since he rather stayed in the background where no one could see him, and helped with props and sets, sometimes even the scripts.  
He had come here for the past 5 years and thus he knew all the old faces and was thrilled like every year to welcome the newbies, the young and the older kids. One of them was a blond fit looking teenager, only two years his senior, who was helping out as he was one of the supervisor's nephews.  
Merlin knew his name was Arthur, as all the instructors and teachers had been introduced at the beginning, but he hadn't gotten into a conversation with him so far.  
Two days passed and Merlin couldn't help looking after that other boy, who was running around with the younger kids playing football or playing catch.  
He was wondering what it was like to be in such good shape, in the centre of the attention and being loved by everyone. Of course Merlin had friends, but the air Arthur was giving off was still different from what he had ever felt before and yet it seemed so familiar.  
“Hey”, Arthur greeted him the next day right before lunch. His hair was a bit damp and his shirt sweaty. Merlin found himself not minding that at all instead he felt somewhat intrigued by the strong smell that seemed to be just Arthur and gave him a feeling of home. It was weird.  
“Hey”, he replied a bit dumbstruck.  
“Have you seen Jordan and Camillo?”, the blonde asked, brushing his hair out of his eyes.  
They were of a shining blue and seemed to look straight into Merlin's soul. He swallowed hard and shook his head, “N...no?”  
“Mh... those two little beasts were supposed to help setting the tables and they ran off”, he stretched his neck and looked at the sky, “Gosh, it's bloody hot today”  
Merlin nodded, “It is”  
“What was your name again?”  
The younger boy made a face and rolled his eyes, before extending his hand, “I'm Merlin”  
He didn't take it, “Ah, right, the one with the weird name”  
Arthur actually dared to laugh and gave him a slap to the shoulder.  
“It's not weird”, Merlin tried, but he knew fair well that it indeed wasn't the most usual name.  
“Is”, Arthur replied laughing and nudged the younger boy, “Come on, don't sulk. No reason to, not your fault your parents are fans of an old bearded wizard”  
Merlin snorted, “How would you know if that's the reason they called me that?”  
He felt more and more that he was simply trying to be a bully and that he probably was better of without him. However, Merlin couldn't take his eyes off him. Something about that young man had gotten to him.  
“Yeah, whatever. Don't be late to lunch, or I will make you clean all the dishes, MERlin”  
A shudder ran down Merlin's spine, a sensation of nostalgia and Arthur left in search for the two boys that had run off their duties.

Later that day he was facing Arthur again, this time they were all at the close by lake, taking a swim. Merlin, as usual was keeping on shore. He had never been too fond of deep waters, especially lakes. They gave him a frightful feeling of loss. This one was no exception and was located right in the middle of crop field, a slight breeze was in the air, but it was as sunny and hot as the whole day had already been.  
Merlin wrote Isabelle a short text message and as he rose his head again, he saw Arthur standing right in front of him. Well, Merlin saw his legs, dripping with water, and the bottom of his fire red swimming trunks.  
“What?”, Merlin asked a little annoyed, “You are blocking my sun”  
“What, Merlin? Trying to get a tan here? Give up already, you will always be as pale as a piece of chalk”, Arthur grinned down at him and then gave him a soft shove to the shoulder, “Come on, the water won't get any wetter, take a dive already”  
Merlin snorted, “No, thank you. I cannot swim”  
“Oh god, for Christ's sake, get the bloody hell into that lake”  
How could a boy with such angel like blond hair and blue eyes swear like that?  
“No”, Merlin said again, “I mean it, I hate swimming”  
“Is there ANYthing you CAN do?”, Arthur asked and flopped down next to him, accidentally brushing Merlin's shoulder with his own.  
“Cold”, Merlin groaned and moved away, “If you love water so much, just go ahead. Drown in it”  
Arthur chuckled, “No can do. Let me teach you?”  
He was actually smiling at him and Merlin wondered what that funny feeling inside his chest was. This longing notion to wrap his arms around that boy and never let him go ever again.  
Merlin quickly turned his head away again and then got to his feet, “No, sorry. I have to go. Dinner duty”  
Arthur booed after him: “Why, you are no fun”  
He ignored the blonde, half naked jock and made his way to the camp.  
“Prat”, Merlin mumbled to himself and went back.

While he was setting the table, two other kids were helping him – crazy Lorra and the ginger Michael who were more busy dancing around each other than actually doing something useful – Merlin thought back to his encounters with Arthur.  
Most things he could remember where not his rude words, but his shimmering abs in the sun, his broad smile making his slightly crooked teeth shine snow white and his baby blue eyes. Merlin blushed at his thoughts and what they probably meant. He shook his head. No, he was not into mean, he was not like that. He did not want to touch those muscular arms or brush his hands through that sand blonde hair.  
Merlin kept telling himself the same things for the next whole week.  
It didn't help.  
His eyes would seek out Arthur every time the boy wasn't looking at him and when their eyes accidentally met, Merlin made a face and scrunched up his nose, just to turn away again.  
Unfortunately, Arthur wouldn't let him off that easily, however his demeanour changed drastically and instead of teasing him, he became a right bully.  
He would come up to Merlin and give him a shove to the back when no one was looking, or toss a ball of paper at his head and no one saw any of that, nor would have any one believed Merlin, Arthur was the supervisor's nephew after all and everyone loved him.  
One time they met in the showers.  
Merlin was wearing nothing but a towel around his waist and so was Arthur.  
He didn't like the smirk that was blooming on the blonde's face and just wanted to get out of there as fast as possible.  
“Oi, don't run away”, Arthur called after him, when Merlin turned on his feet.  
“From you?”, Merlin stopped.  
“Thank god, I thought you were deaf as well as dumb”, he heard him walking closer.  
Merlin closed his eyes for a second and took a deep breath, turning around. Somehow all of this seemed way too familiar to him. He saw himself faced with Arthur, who was standing far too close now.  
“Well?”, the blonde smirked.  
“Nothing. I'm just gonna take a shower, you prat, so let me through”, Merlin pushed against Arthur's left shoulder and walked past him.  
“God, you are so boring, Merlin”, the blonde scratched his neck and shook his head, “Don't you have any fun ever?”  
Merlin sighed, “You have no idea how much fun I can have, and I certainly do not you for that”  
He walked into one of the free cubicles and closed the door, taking the towel off and hanging it up.  
“Is that so?”  
He hadn't expected Arthur to jump up and look over the walls. The boy was smiling down at him broadly, “Well, well... look what we have here, little Merlin”  
Merlin's whole face burnt up and he took the towel, wrapped it around himself and stormed out of the shower room.  
He had enough. This was getting out of hand. Arthur was the biggest bully Merlin had ever encountered. And yet, he couldn't help his heart beating like crazy, or the sweat building in his palms. What was wrong with him? Why did he feel that way? Why was all he could remember from just now how well Arthur is built or how sexy his voice was when threatening?  
Merlin shook his head as he entered his room, that he shared with three younger boys between the age of ten and thirteen. They had gone out to the campfire in the backyard and were probably singing with all the other kids and educators.  
“That idiot”, Merlin fell into his bed and groaned annoyed.  
How dared he make fun of him.

The next day, Merlin ignored Arthur and whenever he saw the blonde approaching he went straight into a complete different direction.  
Only on their last day at the camp, long after they had all packed their things and the play had been copied on DVDs and handed out to all the participants, did Arthur come up to him again, cornering Merlin in a corner of the camping grounds. No one else was around, so nobody saw.  
“Look”, the blonde began, “I know you don't like me, but hear me out”  
Merlin stared at him. The taller blonde had him trapped against a wall, both his hands were behind Merlin's head, pressed against the cold wall to keep Merlin from running away.  
“So? I'm listening”  
“There's... something about you Merlin, I can't quiet put my finger on it”, that said he leant back and eyed Merlin once more up and down.  
The younger boy made a face and pressed his lips into a thin line.  
“Whatever...”, he shook his head and walked off.  
Merlin stood there irritated and a bit lost. What was going on?  
“Just what is his problem?”, he asked himself out loud, shaking his head in confusion.

His mother came to pick him up from the camp only half an hour later and drove home, looking back at the other kids waiting around for their parents and families. There was Arthur standing among them all and one last time their eyes met, but soon the blond boy was a mere dot in the far distance and Merlin turned around to face forward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> new chapter every second wednesday


	3. Chapter 2

When the summer holidays ended and Isabelle came home, Merlin couldn't quiet face her. Somehow he had started to wonder about them. Were they really a couple? Did he love her? He liked her, yes – and she knew about his weird abilities and still loved him and yet he wasn't so sure about his own feelings anymore.  
They met a day before school would start again. Isabelle was as pretty as ever, Merlin found, her hair was braided and lay straight down her back. There were more freckles on her face than the last time he had seen her and her skin seemed softer.  
“Belle”, he greeted her and she met him in a bone crushing hug.  
They were both standing on the front porch of her house.  
“Merlin!”, she exclaimed and pressed a kiss to his cheek, “I've missed you”  
He smiled down at her, “Missed you too”  
It wasn't a complete lie. She was still his best friend and she still meant a lot to him, but was he really interested in her? His heart never pounded in her presence as it had done with Arthur. He never imagined her during the day half undressed nor did he long to see her naked.  
Had he longed to see Arthur naked? His cheeks flushed pink at that thought and he shook his head to get rid of those images.  
“Are you alright? How were your summer holidays?”, she sounded excited and lead him by the hand to the nearby bench under an old oak in their back garden.  
They sat down and Merlin leant back, looking up at the clear blue sky.  
“It was alright, I guess. Except for that one guy, maybe. He was a bit of an ass”  
Isabelle looked at him a bit sad, “I'm sorry, Merlin. I'm sure he will get what he deserves one day”  
Merlin closed his eyes, “Maybe”  
A sudden flash of Arthur, dressed in chainmail, being stabbed with a medieval sword sprung to his mind. He blinked and the image was gone. That had been weird. Of course he had hated the way that boy had treated him, but he would never wish anyone such an awful death, or any death for that matter.  
“Merlin?”, Isabelle asked and touched his hand carefully.  
He entwined their fingers, “It's okay. It's nothing”  
She smiled at him happily.

School started and they went back into their usual routine. He would meet Isabelle after classes had ended and they would hang out. Everyone at school knew by now that they were a couple and it was no wonder, since there weren't all that many students after all, and most of them knew each other for what felt like forever. They weren't the only pair that got together in junior high and thus it wasn't all that uncommon, until one day a new student came to school.  
His name was Robert, he was good at sports, fit and blond.  
Merlin couldn't take his eyes off him.  
He had just moved here from London and he quickly found friends. All the girls loved him and very soon the whole town knew about him.  
“Just because he's new and good at sports all the girls are all over him”, Isabelle mumbled one day and leant back in the couch, she and Merlin were sitting in and watching a movie.  
“And because he's handsome”, Merlin added, popping another piece of popcorn into his mouth.  
“Handsome?”, Isabelle rose a brow and looked at her boyfriend, “You think he is handsome?”  
Merlin shrugged, “It's the truth, isn't it? No need to deny that. With his blond hair, grey eyes and how fit he is. I have seen his abs, they are amazing!”  
She stared at him and furrowed her brows, “Merlin?”  
“Yeah?”, he simply went on eating, “What?”  
“You... think he's attractive?”  
“Yeah”, he admitted without thinking twice, “Not as much as Arthur, but not bad...”  
“What... Who? Who is Arthur?”, Isabelle shifted on her spot and faced him properly.  
“I told you about him, remember...?”  
“No, sorry, but I don't”  
Merlin looked around at her, “What? He was that guy at summer camp, I told you about him”  
“The bully? You never mentioned you were attracted to him...”  
His eyes widened and he quickly shook his head, putting the bowl of popcorn away, “No, NO, not like that”  
“...or to men in general, Merlin!?”, she looked a bit worried.  
“I'm not”, Merlin reassured her, “This is... I didn't mean it that way. I just meant, he is attractive to girls, that even I can see that, as a guy”  
Isabelle looked at him judging, “You know... I love you, Merlin, but... no matter what... we are best friends above all... if you are...”  
She swallowed hard, Merlin stared at her.  
“If you are, indeed gay... you can tell me, right?”, she took his hand into her own.  
“I'm not”, he kissed her hands gently, “I promise, that was just a misunderstanding, alright? Don't read anything into that, okay?”  
“Okay”, Isabelle whispered and snuggled closer to Merlin, as they continued watching the movie.  
Back in his mind Merlin was having second thoughts though. What if he indeed was attracted to other boys? To men? Especially to blond jocks with bright eyes? 

The next couple of days Merlin's eyes would seek out Robert, and if Isabelle saw that she wouldn't mention it. He still wasn't sure what to make of his sudden interest in blond men and even less did he want to admit to himself that he indeed found them far more attractive than any girl he had ever seen.  
And yet he would do nothing about it. He never spoke with Robert nor did Merlin ever look after other boys or men. Isabelle was his sun on the earth after all and her bright smile was everything he needed.

They were watching a movie only a couple of weeks later. The main character was a blond well built man in his early twenties and Merlin found himself drawn to those ice blue eyes and the way the man's hair would drip of sweat while fighting in battle.  
It was a fantasy movie, set in the middle ages or something alike and there were knights, fighting wars on horses, using swords and arrows. Somehow it gave Merlin a heart warming feeling, a notion as if he had come a bit closer to home.  
Afterwards they sat in a small café-shop at the other end of the town, talking about the film.  
“He was rather handsome”, Isabelle had to admit, her eyes big and happy.  
Who wouldn't swoon over such beauty as that blonde knight Lorenzo had been.  
“Well, he is blonde and fit, everything a girl wants huh?”, Merlin said, trying to play it down how much he approved of that man.  
“What? Merlin, I'm talking about Jeffrey, the knave, not Lorenzo”, she was shaking her head and raising her brows, “Really, I thought you were over your little crush on that Arthur guy”  
Merlin froze and stared at her.  
She kept shaking her head and then sighed, “Really, I don't mind you being gay or bi or whatever, but please stop swooning over blondies in front of me, alright?”  
“I... I'm not... I do NOT have a crush on ARTHUR!”, Merlin rose from his seat and clenched his fists.  
The whole café was looking at him.  
He sat down again quietly.  
“I was just teasing you, don't make me really believe you do”, she looked at him seriously.  
Merlin ran a hand over his face, “Sorry... I... It's just... I dunno... he won't get out of my mind”  
“Try not to think about it so much, Merlin. You are only making it worse. Whatever it was, it's not like you will ever see him again”  
At that he felt a pang in his chest.  
“Let's forget about this alright?”, she looked around the shop and smiled at the people around, most of them were back to tending to their own businesses already.  
He knew she was right. How on earth could he even want to be with that prat, who had firstly ignored him, then annoyed him and in the end bullied him? Something in his head must have had taken a turn for the worse. Merlin shook his head mainly to himself and they continued eating, the movie long forgotten.

A week later they found themselves at Isabelle's house, sitting on her bed and watching a movie on her laptop. It was another one set in the middle ages, but this time it was all about the legends around King Arthur.  
Of course Merlin knew about those and he had always thought them a bit off putting. His name most likely had came from the great wizard Merlin but he couldn't be sure. His parents had never explained it to him why they had named him like that. All that they had told him was that it had always been meant to be his name – like a sign from god. Merlin didn't take that as the last reasoning but he didn't ask any more questions for now.  
So they were sitting on the white day blanket on Isabelle's bed, pillows stuffed behind their backs and their eyes fixed on the screen, the little computer placed on one of Merlin's and one on the girl's knees. Their legs were touching and Merlin didn't mind. Sometimes their shoulders would bump or Isabelle would glance over at him. His blue eyes were fixed on the movie though, playing in front of them and he found the storyline more and more intriguing, even though the man carrying his name was an old fart.  
However, something in the back of his mind was telling him: wrong. Not just once, any time a scene played out that didn't seem right. He couldn't quite explain it.  
“That's not how it went”, he would mumble and shake his head, Isabelle only raised her brows, but didn't comment.  
Only when he muttered something about “Uther didn't die like that, he was killed protecting Arthur”, did she find her voice again, stopping the movie for a moment.  
“Merlin”, she began, “you know, I love how invested you get in movies but please refrain from commenting on everything that is happening there as 'wrong' or 'that's not how I recall it' alright? You may have the name of Merlin but you, in fact, are not Merlin, even though your magic sometimes makes me believe you might actually be related to him”  
The black haired boy looked at her with astonished eyes, “Is that so? You think I might be like him?”  
She groaned and ran a hand over her face, “No, didn't you listen? I don't think so, I just said that you MAY have magic, but that's about it. Your name does not define you, remember”  
He only nodded, wondering if that was true. Why else would he feel himself drawn to a man called Arthur? Though in a completely different way than any of those old bearded guys.  
Arthur met Guinevere in the following scene, when Isabelle started the movie again, and they fell in love. Merlin cringed at the sight and kept shaking his head.  
“This is stupid”, he mumbled once again and made a face, “Gwen staid with Arthur because Lancelot decided to leave Camelot, not because he was a traitor”  
Isabelle sighed and elbowed him. “Merlin! Stop it!”  
“I can't watch this... it's stupid”, Merlin said and pushed the laptop towards Isabelle, getting up.  
He stretched himself and then looked back at his girlfriend.  
“Really, Merlin?”, she asked, her eyes seemed sad and worried.  
“I know I'm not that Merlin, it just doesn't feel right, okay?”, he shrugged and shouldered his backpack, “I'm gonna go home, Belle. Gotta finish the homework for maths still”  
She only nodded and let him go. 

That night Merlin dreamed the first time about Camelot. And for the first time in 15 years he felt at home.


	4. Chapter 3

“I had a strange dream last night”, Merlin told Isabelle the next day.  
She eyed him with raised brows, “About what?”  
“I was Merlin, back in Camelot”, he chuckled, more to himself, “And I was a servant or something, it's really blurry... I can't remember much”  
“That's probably because of the movie, Merlin”, she gave him a soft clap to the shoulder.  
He nodded looking a little dazed into the distance, “Probably...”  
It had not quiet felt like a dream to him, but what dream ever did? They always seemed real while you were in them. He sighed and slung his arm around Isabelle's waist, walking with her to school.  
“You are right, it was just a dream, not as if I were immortal”  
She laughed, “No, silly, you are just a boy”

In the end he didn't dream about Camelot again for almost a year. He put it away as any other dream and blamed it on the movie and maybe his given birth name.  
His sixteenth birthday Merlin celebrated with Isabelle and some other friends and shared his risen love for the Arthurian Legends.  
Merlin didn't really know why but since that dream and himself having magic he found himself drawn to anything that stood in relation of any kind to 'Merlin' and 'Arthur'. He read many books on that topic over the following year and found he questioned most of them. Sometimes it would be major plot lines he didn't accept other times there would be details he didn't find fitting. It was fun to discuss them all with his friends but soon they were annoyed by his need to right the stories and how he questioned them all.

One October evening, Merlin was called down to the living room by his parents, they were standing in front of him and finally sat down across from him on the couch. He had settled down on a comfortable chair, looking at them expectantly.  
Their words came slowly and didn't fully sink in before Merlin was lying back in his bed that same night. He was adopted. He had been found on their door step. He wasn't their biological son.  
Somehow beneath his initial shock the fear of not knowing who he was, where he had come from grew more prominent.  
“We found you on our doorstep with a note stating your name was 'Merlin'”, his mother had said.  
“We thought it was a sign from heaven, we took you in as our own from the very start, Merlin. You are our son, no matter what”, his father had promised.  
Merlin had not asked questions about his powers, he hadn't dared to bring it up. It seemed to be a secret he would have to keep forever to himself. He wouldn't burden them with this as well. It was enough that Belle knew. However, now that he didn't know where he truly had come from, his abilities, his magic how Isabelle always called it, seemed to be an even bigger mystery.

Merlin didn't fall asleep before the next day was breaking and the sun started to rise above the horizon.

Then it all started to come back to him after he turned sixteen. Vivid dreams at first that became more and more clear and real to him until one day, shortly before he turned 17, he understood what it all had meant, who he was and most of all, who he had been waiting for all this time – his whole life. And suddenly it all made sense.  
Everything did.  
Everything that had happened this time around and everything he had done in the past.  
He had always looked up to Arthur, after their initial hatred, as a leader and a friend, but now he knew better. Merlin finally knew what all those emotions had been inside of him all of his life. Why he was the one waiting more than a hundred lifetimes for him to come back.  
It had never been about their destiny, Camelot, their friendship – he had always loved him. Loved him more than a brother, much more than Gwen, so much more than any woman could ever have loved Arthur.  
The sudden realisation hit him so hard he dropped to his knees, to the floor in a sobbing mess. All the pain from centuries back was coming back to him all at once and he wanted to scream, wanted to unleash all the emotions he had had kept away for so long, so well, no one had ever known about them - not even himself.

The right thing for him to do would probably have been to leave Isabelle, but he didn't dare to. She was the only one who knew about his magic after all and he loved her, even though only as a friend.  
It was her who eventually dumped him, telling him going back to being just friends was probably for the best. He simply nodded when it happened.


	5. Chapter 4

“Belle, hurry. We are going to be late”  
Merlin was loudly running down the stairs, his bag pack leisurely thrown over his shoulder bouncing with every step he took.  
“I'm coming, I'm coming”, the girl shouted after him, balancing her ready to go mug filled with steaming hot coffee in one hand while holding a pile of papers in the other.  
They were running late for university and when Merlin turned around to look for his best friend she was taking the last step right at that moment, stumbling down. She would have spilled the hot liquid all over herself if Merlin hadn't used his magic to stop it from happening.  
“Thanks”, she simply muttered with a smile, passing him as he held the door open for her.  
“No problem”, he said and ran after her.  
His magic had fully come back to him after he had remembered everything and he had gone back to use it more often as long as no one – except maybe Isabelle – was watching.  
They jumped into Merlin's car and drove to the campus.  
It was spring and today they had to give a presentation in the only class they took together.  
“Can't you use your magic to make us go faster?”, Isabelle asked while they made their way through the streets.  
“No can do”, Merlin said, shaking his head, “And I told you already that I will not use it where someone could notice it”  
She made a face and huffed, “Fine, but what is the point in having these powers when you won't use it”  
Merlin sighed, “Believe me I've had my share of using it for many good reasons, so just shut it”  
The ginger girl looked out of the window at the passing houses and people on the pavement. She was still the only one who knew about his powers. Merlin had even gotten around to pretend in front of his parents that he was not weird any longer.  
Thus he was back at where he had began years ago, with no one knowing except one friend.

“Jeez”, Isabelle let her head fall onto the table top in the canteen, closing her eyes, “that was close”  
Merlin nodded grinning, “Yeah, but we made it and I'm sure we'll get a good mark, so stop worrying”  
“It was your fault we got up late though”, she opened her eyes just enough to glare at him from under her straight bangs.  
“It wasn't”  
“It was your alarm clock that didn't go off”  
“But you didn't even set yours”, he stuck out his tongue at her and leant back in his chair, looking up at the ceiling.  
He liked being a university student. He liked being in this world and time. He really enjoyed himself, if it weren't for the fact that Arthur wasn't with him he honestly couldn't be happier.  
Of course he had looked for Arthur, using his magic, his pure willpower, he even had tried out the internet, but the only information he could ever get about King Arthur had been about the legends and movies or novels; but he hadn't had any luck. Arthur couldn't be found this easily, even though he knew exactly that he indeed was around. He felt his presence all the time, surrounding him like a warm coat of hope but in danger if bursting any second into thousand little pieces, scattering across the world if he didn't find him soon.  
After a couple of years he had given up searching, he hadn't stopped waiting though. He was simply waiting for destiny to find its way and therefore Arthur finding his way back to Merlin.

“Hey”, Isabelle said and poked him in the side which made him jump.  
“What?”, he asked glaring at her.  
“I'm hungry”, she pouted and tugged on Merlin's sleeve.  
“Gosh”, he rolled his eyes and got to his feet, “Want me to get it for you?”  
She smiled, “Yes, please”, and clasped her hands together, “You are the best friend any girl could have”  
“And best ex-boyfriend too, huh?”, he laughed and took out his wallet, making his way towards the counter to order.  
He knew what she liked and thus it wasn't a hard decision to make as he stood in front of the kitchen lady choosing for them both the same meal, pasta with cheese sauce. It smelled as tasty as canteen food could taste but it was still better than most of the food he had had back in Camelot.  
Once he had paid he slowly walked back with two plates on one tray, passing a couple of tables, balancing two cups of coffee at the same time. He danced around tables stuffed with eating and chatting students until he reached their own, but out of nowhere some other guy crossed his path and bumped into him.  
“Oh, sorry”, a deep voice said behind Merlin.  
“Shit”, the sorcerer swore, all the pasta and coffee spilled over the front of his shirt and jacket as well as the floor.  
“I didn't see you coming”, the bloke dared to say and Merlin was already annoyed.  
“Well, how about looking around a bit more? It's a canteen after all, you prat”, Merlin spat, turning around to glare at the other man.  
Anymore insults got stuck in his throat as he recognized the all too familiar figure in front of him.  
“I'm really sorry”, the blonde man said, trying to calm Merlin down, “It's my fault, I know. Are you alright though? Isn't it hot?”  
Merlin was still staring, when he felt Isabelle tugging on his clothes, “Merlin, are you okay?”  
“Yeah... yeah”, he turned his attention towards her as she patted his jacket down with napkins.  
“Yeah, Belle, I'm fine, really. It's canteen coffee after all, lukewarm and all”, he moved her hands away from himself and tried to focus on the matter at hand.  
“Who are you?”, Merlin asked bluntly, turning back towards the blonde jock.  
“Oh, Merlin. I'm sorry, I didn't want to introduce you two like this, but well, this is Arthur, he's my boyfriend”  
Merlin stared at him, then at her, gaping.  
“Your BOYFRIEND?”, he asked irritated, “You are kidding right?”  
She shook her head, “No? Why?”  
“I mean I... uhm”, he couldn't say anything against her, he couldn't say anything at all to be precise.  
All he was able to do was stare at them both, sitting down after they had all wordlessly cleaned up the mess they had made.

“Well then”, Merlin began once he had found his speech again, “Where did the two of you meet?”  
“Oh, it wasn't anything special”, Arthur said shrugging, his hands hidden deep inside his jeans' pockets.  
“Come on. It was at a book fair, in the section about Arthurian legends. He's very fond of them, just like you, Merlin”  
The blonde blushed, Arthur actually blushed!  
Merlin couldn't believe what he was seeing, or hearing.  
“Yeah, well. I'm kinda into those things. It's hard to explain. Maybe coz I was called Arthur or something. I've always liked the stories about Arthur and the round table and Merlin. Well, and Belle told me a lot about you too, Merlin, right? I mean, it's crazy, don't you think? Your name's Merlin. I'm Arthur. It's almost like destiny, huh?”  
Merlin stared, bit down on his bottom lip more and more with every word that left Arthur's mouth, with every second he looked at him longer, until he couldn't take it any longer.  
“Excuse me, restroom”, Merlin left without waiting for a reply even.

Merlin pushed the door open violently, rushing to get to the closest sink. He felt sick, so sick.  
It was as if fate had played a mean trick on him.  
Here he was, hundreds and hundreds of years after waiting for Arthur to return to his side and what does he get? Arthur remembering nothing and to top it all off he's together with his best friend – again!  
Would this happen everytime? Would he be the one left behind all alone over and over again?  
Blood trailed down his chin, where he had bitten too hard into his lip as he tried to suppress the tears welling up. He couldn't.  
To save his face he rushed into the furthest back toilet stall, locked the door and sat down on the toilet lid, something he would have never thought he'd ever do. It wasn't nice and clean, it was dirty and the white tiles on wall and floor where no longer white but a grey yellow.  
“Why?”, he whispered to himself, sobbing quietly into his arms he had draped around his legs which he had pulled up and close to his body.  
“I hate this”, he mumbled, “I don't deserve this, do I?”  
This wasn't fair, was it? How could this be fair? He was the one Arthur should be with. Arthur should choose HIM over any other person any time!  
So why was his once and future king together with his ex-girlfriend, the only one who knew about his powers, the one he called his best friend?  
Merlin clenched his fists so hard his fingernails drew blood in hands and when he relaxed them again he looked down at them, smeared with blood and sweat and tears he knew he would never get over Arthur in his life. Maybe he should make himself forget about his former king? Maybe that would release him from all this pain? No, it wouldn't. Deep inside he would always know and hurt.  
And he would always serve Arthur, he had promised him, to serve him until Merlin died.  
And if Arthur chose to stay with some girl he had only just met then he would be fine with that and wish them all the best. He would stay quiet about their shared past until one day Arthur would maybe remember – remember who he himself had been and who Merlin had been and who they had been to each other.

If Isabelle had noticed anything being wrong about Merlin she didn't mention it in Arthur's presence.  
“When we met?”, she repeated Merlin's question.  
“About a month ago, I think”, Arthur answered, thinking, “Yeah, that's when the fair was”  
“You didn't wanna go for whatever reason”, Isabelle explained before Merlin could intervene.  
“It's only been a MONTH?”, Merlin asked with wide eyes, “but you didn't tell me anything, Belle!? About him!”  
“Ah, I'm sorry”, she looked apologetic, Arthur chuckled.  
“You don't know him at all!”, Merlin continued his rant and he wasn't meaning to protect her but Arthur.  
“We will get to know each other in no time”, she said smiling and took Arthur's hand into her own.  
Merlin made a face and looked away, “Fine, do what you want”  
He took his bag and left without having eaten. Being on a hungry stomach would make things only worse so it was better to flee as long as he could.  
However, once he had stepped out of the canteen building and had crossed the first path towards the main entrance of the campus, Arthur called out to him, “Wait up, Merlin!”  
How could he not. Merlin obeyed, but didn't turn around.  
“Thank god, I could still catch you”, the blonde said, his breath going a bit faster. If he only knew what he was doing to Merlin.  
“What do you want?”, the warlock growled and was about to walk off again.  
“I wanna talk to you, please?”  
“Whatever you need to tell me, you can tell me here”  
“That's fine with me”, Arthur said and smiled, “I just wanted you to know, I know about your past with Belle”  
Oh, so it was about Isabelle. Not some sudden memory popping up.  
“What about it?”  
“If you still like her, I can't change that, you know? But it would be cool if you could not let it on so much, alright? You are not helping her with that-”  
“I'm not into her!”, Merlin exclaimed.  
“Whatever, I'm sorry, Merlin, but could you stop being so overprotective anyway? I mean, let's be friends, yeah?”  
He held out his hand and Merlin instinctively took it.  
“Wait... what?”  
“You are her best friend, and I really like her, maybe I'll even marry her, so let's get along alright?”  
Merlin couldn't believe it, but he nodded, “Whatever, just don't expect me to draw rainbows out of happiness of your little engagement”  
Arthur made a face at him, “You know, she told me you've never reacted like this before, even with guys she had only met days ago”  
Merlin looked away, “It's not about that...”  
“You must know how it is to be in love, right? Time doesn't matter, does it?”  
Merlin turned to look him in the eye, sadness was mirroring in his own, “I know and I fell for that person the second I laid eyes on them but you can't say time doesn't matter. There always comes a day when you can't wait anymore, when all that is left is pain and memories so far away they are more blurry than any dream you can remember, so don't say time doesn't matter, because it does. The time we spend together and the time we spend apart from each other, both matter more than you think”  
That said Merlin left Arthur standing there.  
It was too dangerous talking to him for too long. The said pain was too much to bear.


	6. Chapter 5

“Merlin. Where are you? What's going on?” 

“Merlin, it's Belle again, just tell me what's wrong!” 

“I know you are there, please, pick up, won't you?”  
The phone crackled and silence followed. Merlin shifted in his bed, the blankets making rustling noises around him. He did not feel like getting up, nor did he want to go to university where he was certain he would be faced with Isabelle and Arthur in their own little world.  
“This life sucks”, Merlin murmured and pulled the blanket over his face, hiding completely from this world.  
The phone rang again, then a beep and Isabelle's voice was being recorded once more, “Merlin, please. Are you alright? You haven't been too university for a whole week now, I'm really worried, where are you? You haven't been home for five days either!”  
Of course he wasn't in their little shared apartment. How could he, when Arthur would be there too, all the time, following Isabelle around like some love sick puppy.  
The message ended and Merlin exhaled loudly.  
He was staying in his little cottage he had previously lived in, the one close to that god forsaken lake, where he had last seen Arthur. Arthur. Merlin was the one with a right to him, but to have it rubbed into his face that his king didn't really know him anymore and even saw him as a rival in love seemed ridiculous and rather humiliating.  
Merlin rolled around until he lay on his stomach, staring with one eye at his mobile phone on the bedside table. Of course he couldn't go on like this. He hadn't even told his parents that he had gone 'on vacation' for a little while but in the end he was his own master.  
Maybe he should tell Isabelle the truth. Maybe it would help her understand if she knew who her new boyfriend was? But then again, maybe she would laugh it off as some odd joke of his or worse would feel honoured and let him go even less!  
Merlin groaned annoyed and closed his eyes in frustration, trying not to think of Arthur.  
It was impossible. He was everywhere, especially in front of his inner eye. The blonde king would always be there as the centre of Merlin's world.

“Where the hell have you been?”, Isabelle's first question was after Merlin's return to their flat.  
She looked worried and angry at once and her eyes were piercing him through like swords.  
“I was feeling under the weather”, Merlin replied slowly, “and had a cold and the flu so I went back home for the time”  
“That's a lie! I called your parents and they said you weren't there! Thank god you came back today or I'd have had to tell them you have gone missing, you idiot!”, her anger subsided and she seemed more upset than anything.  
“I'm sorry”, and he meant it. He hadn't really thought it through what his sudden disappearance could cause. It had been ages since he had been in contact with people after all. She was his only true friend.  
“Even Arthur was worried and helped me searching!”  
Merlin's heart jumped a beat at that, “He did?”  
“Yeah, you really had us worried, don't ever do that again!”  
Merlin shook his head, “I promise, I just had to clear my head a bit, I'm truly sorry”  
He bowed his head a bit and then smiled crookedly at her.  
“Alright, was your magic acting up again? Was that the reason you had to 'disappear' for a bit?”, she asked with a sigh, “You know you can tell me”  
Merlin stared at her. She wasn't that off track. Ever since Merlin had met Arthur again, knowingly, his magic had only grown stronger and it sometimes made him wonder if he would loose control at some points if he wasn't careful enough.  
“Yeah, you got me”, Merlin said, looking at the floor, “And since you bring Arthur back to our flat all the time, I couldn't really let go here, you know”  
“Oh, right”, Isabelle nodded, “That's alright then, just, next time – don't turn off your phone”  
Merlin nodded as well, “Yeah, promise”  
He wouldn't tell her he hadn't. He wouldn't tell her the truth anyway, probably never, unless Arthur were to remember, but for now it didn't seem likely.

Time went by and no matter how high Merlin's hopes of Arthur's return of memories had been, the blonde man was still a happy couple with Isabelle and it didn't seem likely he would remember any time soon. And yet, Merlin wouldn't give up. Once, he had made a vow to always be there for Arthur until the day he would die and he would keep it. He would be there by his side even if Arthur were never to remember him or their shared past. All that mattered right now was that Arthur had returned and Merlin was his friend again.  
A bitter sweet tingle went through Merlin whenever he spent time with Arthur these days. They had grown closer over the past four months Isabelle and Arthur had been dating and the three of them often went out together and more and more often did Merlin find himself hanging out alone with his past king and friend as well.  
One day they were out watching a movie and decided to grab a bite at the local pizza shop afterwards.  
“What are you getting?”, Arthur asked, skimming the menu.  
“Plain pepper one, I guess”, Merlin hummed lost in thoughts and rose his head to look at the other man who was sitting across from him in the little restaurant they had chosen.  
Their eyes met for the split of a second and Arthur smiled, nodding, “I'll go for a cheese one then, we can share both, right?”  
Merlin quickly looked away and agreed quietly, flipping through the pages of the menu, pretending to read but his eyes would secretly follow Arthur's every move.  
The blonde leant back and looked around the restaurant, watching people, calling for the waiter and ordering their drinks and meals. No way would Merlin have any alcoholic drinks, the intoxication could have a bad influence on his conscience and his magic and he didn't want to risk loosing control over either.  
Arthur was having a beer though and only shrugged when Merlin stuck to his cola.  
“Well, how are things with Belle?”, the blonde asked, when they finally got their drinks.  
Merlin rose his brows, “What things?”  
“Do you still... I mean, are you okay with us dating now?”  
“Uhm”, Merlin swallowed hard, “I just want you to be happy, Arthur”  
“That's very noble but... wait, me?”  
“You two, I mean”, Merlin quickly corrected, looking away, “You are my friends and I wish for nothing more than you to be happy”  
He tried to give his best smile, but faltered and had to look down at the plate. Why had this topic arisen even? He didn't like it.  
“Mh... okay, but you know, if anything's bothering you, just tell me. I know, it's rich coming from me, but I'm your friend too, Merlin, so...”  
Merlin took a sip from his cola, “Uhm, I've been wondering about that, to be honest. You keep saying this as if you mean it, but, we are only hanging out because you are dating Belle, right?”  
Arthur blinked at him, “What? No?!”  
He scoffed, “I've known you much longer than I've known her, idiot”  
Merlin stared. Did he remember him after all?   
“Arthur-”  
“Don't you remember? The time at the camp?”  
Merlin's heart sank, “Oh... that”  
“Yeah, we got along splendidly, didn't we? I'm still regretting I never got to get your number or address”  
Now it was Merlin's turn to scoff, “Yeah, as if you wanted it. You could have gotten it so easily, Arthur. You didn't care then, so why would you care now?”  
“Wha-?”  
“You were a right bully, didn't you know? You pushed me around and had your fun with me, but you never even thought about what you did!”  
“So, you DO remember me!”  
“Of course, how could I FORGET?”, Merlin almost yelled. He was standing now. When had he gotten to his feet? He couldn't remember. “You treated me like a piece of shit and... and... fuck”  
Merlin grabbed his jacket and stormed out of the restaurant. Arthur simply stared after him.  
The old sorcerer didn't hear him following him, nor leaving the restaurant after him, nothing. Arthur let him go. It hurt. Again. It would always be him – Merlin – to be hurt. ALWAYS.  
He had enough.  
“I've had enough!”, he whispered.  
“ENOUGH!”, Merlin screamed into the bright blue sky that quickly turned dark blue and greyer with every second that went by.  
“I DID EVERYTHING! EVERYTHING EVERYONE WANTED FROM ME!”, he yelled into the blackening sky. Thunder and rain started to fall as Merlin continued to call out to higher powers, “WHY CAN'T I HAVE SOMETHING IN RETURN?”  
“WHY? Why not?”, his voice broke and slid into sobs, “Why am I always left behind?”  
He fell to the ground.  
People were running on the slick pavement through the sudden rain pour, umbrellas in all colours of the rainbow were appearing and nobody cared for the lost soul in the middle of the busy street.  
Just one man stood at the far end of the street, outside a dimly lit restaurant, his blonde hair plastered to his face in the heavy rain. He watched the man on the street, bit down on his bottom lip and turned around, vanishing into the shop.


	7. Chapter 7

The next couple of days Arthur wouldn't seek out Merlin, nor would the three of them hang out. Isabelle and her boyfriend took to going on dates with just the two of them, leaving Merlin all alone in the flat.  
It was annoying how much free time he got these days and it wasn't helping. Any time he was by himself he was thinking, about Camelot, about Arthur and about his own feelings. No, it really wasn't a wise choice to have time alone. He had to find something to keep himself busy. Anything would do. Thus, Merlin went out into the nearby park, find a secluded area and practice his magic, play around with it or simply let it go freely.  
He came home late in the evenings, avoiding any possible contact with Arthur, but at the same time he was longing to see him. Sometimes he found himself wandering down the road, taking the tram to Arthur's apartment building and watching him. It was his duty, his destiny to protect Arthur from any harm after all and how could he do that if he wasn't around the blonde?

“Merlin”, Arthur said surprised.  
He was standing in the door another day that Merlin was 'stalking' him and looked at him more than a little confused.  
“What are you doing here?”, the blonde said, turning away.  
“I was just... no, Arthur. I wanted to apologise”, Merlin said honestly, “I don't know what you think of me, but I'm sorry for running out on you the last time... and, well, for yelling at you”  
Arthur sighed and stepped aside to let Merlin into his flat, “It's alright”  
He offered him to sit on the coach facing a wide flat screen TV.  
“I was in the wrong too, I probably did take a piss on you back then and I should have apologised right away when we met again, instead of waiting for you to mention it. I guess it was me hoping you had forgotten about it all”  
“As if I could forget a prick like you”, Merlin scoffed, then chuckled.  
“It's been years, Merlin”  
The dark haired man looked up from the sofa at the blonde, “Indeed”  
“I'm sorry, alright”  
He did look sorry so Merlin couldn't help the smile blooming on his own face, “Forget it. It's all in the past, prat”  
He smirked and gave him a soft pat to his left thigh.  
Arthur grinned and sat down next to him, leaning back. “But really, we could have been awesome friends, if you hadn't been so stubborn”  
“Me? Stubborn? You were the stubborn one”, Merlin said, “You would come up to me all the time and annoy me”  
They laughed, “True, but only coz you kept staring at me. Made me wonder what you wanted. I was curious about you, Merlin”  
He swallowed hard, “In what way?”  
“All the ways”, Arthur shrugged, “I don't know, in general I guess. Your name had been funny already, look, you are Merlin and I am Arthur. Sounds like destiny to me, don't you think?”  
He winked at Merlin, who blinked back.  
“Wha... what?”  
Arthur folded his hands in his lap and bit down on his bottom lip, “I saw you... uhm, that day, outside... in the rain... what did you mean?”  
Merlin closed his eyes, trying to sort his thoughts. He couldn't tell Arthur, instead of giving him an answer he stayed silent.  
“Belle? Are you still angry at me for being with her?”  
Merlin exhaled loudly and groaned frustrated, “No, this and that have nothing to do with each other”  
“Then what? I can't help thinking the reason you are avoiding me is that I'm dating her and I hate that, I thought we were friends, Merlin!”  
At that Merlin couldn't keep quiet any longer and turned to face his past king, “Yes, and no – I hate that you are dating her, but there's another reason – it's completely different from what you think, Arthur!”  
Their eyes met and the silence lay heavy between them.  
All Merlin could hear was his own heartbeat and Arthur's slow breathing.  
It was almost as in the past, back in Camelot, when they were holding each other's gazes until one of them would break the spell that had befallen them. Merlin knew now what that had been, what it had meant and kept wondering if Arthur had ever felt that tingly sensation as well.  
Somehow, Arthur was closer now and the distance grew smaller and smaller. Merlin could feel the blonde's restless breath on his skin as they both moved in to close the gap between them. When their lips finally touched it was as if a new spell had emerged and taken Merlin into its ban. He couldn't turn away, he could never be without Arthur that he knew now even more than ever before.  
They kissed, slowly at first, then Arthur became more demanding, impatient until air had become unimportant to the both of them.  
It was almost frantic, needy on Merlin's part, heated on Arthur's. He pushed Merlin back into the couch, kissing him senseless all the while his hands were travelling over and under Merlin's shirt.  
No words fell from their mouths and it was over as sudden as it had begun.  
Arthur's phone ringed and he drew back with a gasp, wide eyed and wary.  
Merlin's dishevelled look was proof enough of what he had done as he picked up his mobile to answer a call from Isabelle.  
“Yeah, no, sure, we can meet. See you”, Arthur turned his phone off, looked at Merlin and then got to his feet.  
“Gonna meet with Belle now”  
Merlin stared at him.  
“See you around”  
He wouldn't comment on what had happened it seemed.  
Merlin swallowed soundly. Then he jumped to his feet and stormed out of the flat. His heart couldn't take this, it was even worse than what it had been like in Camelot, when he hadn't known he had loved Arthur, when Arthur hadn't led him on like this.  
Somehow, this Arthur was way more cruel than the king he once had known, but at the same time he was so gentle Merlin didn't know anymore, didn't know what to do or think.

This time Merlin avoided Isabelle. At least he tried to, but with them being flatmates and sharing one fridge and bathroom it deemed impossible.  
“Are you alright?”, she asked him one day, catching him as he was about to rush to the bathroom.  
She had waited for him to turn up. They both knew it couldn't go on like this.  
“Look, if it's that big of a problem I'm dating Arthur, just tell me, alright? We can... meet at his place. In case you don't like him or something”  
Merlin knew it didn't make any sense to her, why he was acting this strangely.  
“No, it's fine”, he lied, not meeting her eyes.  
“I know it's not fine, Merlin. Don't give me that crap. First you avoid him and now you are avoiding me too. Did something happen?”  
He stared at her, afraid of being caught. Isabelle shook her head trying to get any reaction from him.  
“No?”, he said, but it was more of a question than anything else.  
“Oh, did you two have a fight?”, she assumed, crossing her arms in front of her chest.  
Merlin shook his head, “No”  
It was the truth after all. They hadn't fought. They had made out. He didn't know what was worse.  
He shrugged trying to go for nonchalant, “It's nothing”  
“Then come with us tonight. For dinner”  
Merlin made a face.  
“Come on, if you didn't fight then there's no reason for you to decline”  
“Fine. Whatever”, Merlin groaned and exhaled loudly.

Dinner turned out to be 'ordering pizza to the house and sitting down in front of the telly, watching some crap romance movie'. Merlin sighed loudly, but at the same time was relieved he didn't have to embarrass himself in public. However, their couch wasn't exactly big. Thus the three of them were cramped into it, Isabelle on the one side, with Arthur on her right and Merlin pressed to Arthur's right. It was a little bit like hell and heaven at once. He could feel his own pulse running marathons and felt Arthur's warmth against him. From time to time Merlin would glance sideways at his friend to catch a glimpse of his blonde hair, blue eyes and lips pressed into a tight line. Into a tight line seemed rather strange though. He kept staring when he noticed and at some point Arthur must have realised because he was turning slightly towards him, giving him a look, that was clearly stating to stop whatever he was doing.  
Merlin obeyed, heart beat racing.   
Isabelle was curled up to Arthur's side and didn't notice any of what they were doing, not even when their hands brushed accidentally but neither of them felt inclined to move their own away. Arthur then started stroking the back of Merlin's hand with his fingertips, but wouldn't look at him even once.   
The sorcerer inhaled sharply and coughed, extracting his hand and suddenly stood.  
“I... I'll excuse myself for a moment, loo”, was all he said and vanished into the bathroom.  
This was the weirdest thing he had ever experienced and he had had experienced a lot.

“Shit”, Merlin cursed under his breath, falling back against the door of the bathroom. He was alone in here and he felt he could breath again. Merlin exhaled soundly and closed hi eyes. All of this was getting too much and he didn't know any more. What was Arthur's point in all this. Why would he do this to him? He didn't remember who he was, who they once had been, all he probably saw in him was some boy he could play with. Merlin bit down on his bottom lip. It really didn't make any sense to him. He needed to talk to Arthur properly. He needed to know what was going on on the blonde's mind. And what was even more important, he needed Arthur to understand. He wanted him to know what he felt. It couldn't go on like this.   
Merlin stormed out of the bathroom into the living room and stood in front of the TV screen, blocking it.   
Isabelle looked at him irritated, “Merlin, you do notice you are standing right in front of the TV, don't you?”  
He ignored her.  
“I can't do this”, Merlin said, his eyes meeting Arthur's for a moment.  
“What?”, the girl asked even more confused.  
“All of this”, Merlin gestured wildly, “I hate it. It's fine if it's alright with you to pretend like everything's okay, but I can't. This isn't me. I'm... I'm sick of waiting around, I'm sick of this shit and I'm sick of always coming second. That's it”  
He had made a decision. If Arthur wanted to say something, now was his chance. If he didn't, Merlin wouldn't care anymore. He was tired of centuries of waiting for the same thing to happen all over again. Arthur would never see him as anything but a poor young boy, maybe his friend, but nothing more.  
“What are you talking about?”, Isabelle tried again, her voice turning serious now.  
She turned off the TV and looked up at her friend in confusion.  
“I gave you everything and I got nothing in return. It's time for me to move on and write my own destiny. I'm no longer bound to you only. So, if you've got something to say, now is the time to say it”  
He swallowed hard, seeing the irritated look on Arthur's face. The blonde frowned and he seemed as if he knew exactly that he was missing something, as if he knew deep down that those last words had been said by himself at another point in his life.  
“Do you know, what he's talking about?”, Isabelle asked Arthur, who only shook his head.  
“No”, Arthur lied, “I've got no idea”  
“If this is still... about us”, Isabelle said softly, taking a step closer towards Merlin, “we can talk about it, Merlin”  
Merlin looked at Arthur, catching his eyes, trying to get him to talk, but the blonde only shrugged.  
“It's... it's not always all about you, Belle”, Merlin almost shouted, clenching his fists, “And you know what” He glared at Arthur directly then, “Fuck you, Arthur! I'm done with you. I'm neither your friend nor anything else, so if you one day happen to change your mind, don't come crawling to me, because then it will be my turn to not care!”  
That said he stormed to the door, grabbed his coat and car keys and slammed the door shut behind himself as he left.  
Tears were welling up, but he didn't let them come. He couldn't. He wouldn't cry because of Arthur again. He had done his part of crying in their past life, it had to stop now. It was Arthur's turn to suffer. And he would make him suffer good.


	8. Chapter 8

Isabelle tried calling him. He wouldn't pick up the phone. Why would he? For all he knew it could be Arthur on the other side of the line trying to make amends. Merlin wouldn't let him. Not this easy, not that fast.  
The young sorcerer stretched out on his bed inside his old shed and rolled onto his stomach facing down. He breathed in the somehow unfamiliar scent of vanilla on his pillow and closed his eyes. This would be his home once again. Away from the rest of the world, a lone wolf left behind in a time that didn't need him. It hurt to know that Arthur didn't need him anymore. There were no evil witches or wizards out there trying to kill him and take over his lands. Arthur wasn't even anyone. He was no one, just like Merlin had once been and always would be.  
The old clock in his bedroom was ticking and Merlin heard the distant cries of the birds in soughing trees. He listened closely to his surroundings, eyes closed and lost in distant memories.  
The sound of rain falling from the sky, banging in a first slow then faster rhythm against the windows and the roof reminded him of an era in which rain had meant cleansing. He remembered summer days when he would run out upon the music of raindrops hitting the earthy ground, making puddles on the streets and letting narrow streams well up and leave their riverbed, finding a new path through the woods and muddy fields of tiny villages. As a boy he had loved standing in the rain shower, feeling as if the world was being cleansed from all failure and dirt it had collected. It was when Merlin had felt one with nature, a time he had forgotten that he was different from everyone else.  
However, that was in the past. Now, he felt lost and lonely when he heard the rain pelting against glass and wood. 

Hours must have had passed when Merlin opened his eyes again. Sun was shining through the window leaving a trail of golden light on his bedsheets. He blinked and tried to find his orientation. A small black bug was climbing over the folds in his sheets, inches away from his face. Merlin tried to focus on the little fellow and watched it make its way up and down the creases.  
The rain had stopped a while ago it seemed and even though Merlin felt a bit hungry he couldn't find the strength to get up. Instead he kept lying on his bed, looking at the world from the perspective of a bug.  
Everything seemed to move in slow motion and time went by more slowly than usual. He watched the fingers on the clock jump one by one, second by second. Tic tac tic tac tic tac.  
And endless wheel of motion.  
He rolled onto his back again and stared at the ceiling. Then Merlin closed his eyes and saw a picture in front of his inner eye: The back of a man who was standing tall and proud, his red cloak dancing up and down in the slight breeze of the day, playing with his blonde hair and the soft music of metal moving against each other came back to Merlin's ears. He could smell the fresh grass of the meadow and the sweat coming from the man who's lips were curling up into a smile as he turned around to look at him.  
Merlin placed his arms over his face as he felt the tears welling up again, remembering the way Arthur used to say his name, to call out for him, to cry and shout after him in agony, fear and full of emotion, Merlin was almost sure now that he had felt just as strongly about him as he felt about Arthur. It hurt. So much. The pain wouldn't go away and Merlin's sobs turned louder and more desperate.  
Although he had said he would forget about Arthur, that he would make him suffer this time, that he would ignore and hate him, he simply couldn't. He still loved him with all his heart and he knew fairly well that this fact would never change. His whole essence was filled with his destiny, which was bound to the once and future king of Camelot – for as long as he lived.

Thus he decided it was time to go back home. It was no good hiding away from what was bound to happen. Maybe he could see him once more and explain himself, maybe he still had a chance or maybe he wouldn't meet him ever again.  
When he was parking his car in front of their house, he saw someone standing at the door. Merlin turned off the engine, climbed out off his vehicle and made his way to the other person, who now turned around to look at him.  
“Merlin!”, it was a young woman he was sure had met before. She was wearing an all too familiar black dress and her raven dark hair was flowing wildly down around her head. She had dark green eyes and her lips curled into a smile upon seeing him approaching her.  
“Mor...gana?”, he asked carefully, unsure of what to think about this situation.  
“Yes, you remember me!”, the woman nodded and threw her arms around him. He backed away quickly, pushing her off.  
“What do you want?”, he asked cautiously.  
“Why are you like this?”, she said with a sad face and bit down on her bottom lip, “Now that we finally got the chance to meet again”  
“Since when are you back? And what are you planning?”  
“So cold”, she pouted her lips and tried to reach out for him, “I thought we were friends”  
Merlin pushed her hands away. “Don't give me that, Morgana. Last time I saw you you tried to kill Arthur”  
Morgana made an apologetic face, though a very fake one, “I didn't know what else to do. I was supposed to be queen. You must understand that. And in the end”  
She moved closer into his personal space and hissed, “you killed me”  
Merlin meant to shove her, but she swiftly moved away before he could even touch her, “You won, Merlin. You got to save your little king and lived happily ever after, I bet. All the legends are talking about both of your heroic doings and-”  
“Arthur died. Mordred had wounded him mortally. He DIED, Morgana!”, Merlin almost yelled, “In my arms!”  
The clouds above started to gather and the sky got darker by the minute.  
“I couldn't protect him as I had promised. And it's all YOUR fault!”, Merlin pointed at her and forced her back against the wall of the house.  
“It's not my fault”, she said smirking, not caring about her position, “It's only his own fault, Merlin. He couldn't protect himself from what was happening. It was his fault that Mordred turned against Arthur. I didn't get his girlfriend executed, Merlin. That was all Arthur”  
Merlin hit the wall next to Morgana with his bare fist and rain started to pour, lightning struck and a storm came up, “It's not his fault” because he knew it was his own fault. He had always known and regretted, so many things, so many chances. Their dreams had ended way too early.  
“Well, Merlin”, Morgana whispered into Merlin's ears, “Don't you think it's all over? Arthur died. And he forgot all about you”  
Merlin shut his eyes tightly and he fought against the urge to cry, “No, no, no” He felt the anger well up in him, the pain of being neglected once again, left alone.  
“He found someone else who's special to him. He doesn't need you anymore!”  
Merlin shook his head violently, “No, no!”  
“And he never did!”  
“NO!”, Merlin almost screamed and it was as if the sky erupted and he sent a dozen bolts down to the ground. The sound of trees breaking, people screaming and children crying.  
The sorcerer fell to his knees on the muddy ground and kept his eyes shut, not wanting to live in a world without Arthur anymore. It had been too much, too long, too painful. He was unable to stand it any longer.  
The figure of Morgana had vanished into thin air in front of him as if it had never been there but Merlin didn't notice. He was too desperate, too lost and in too much vain to realise what was going on around him.  
“Merlin?”, a sudden voice broke through the storm and a hand was placed on his shoulder.  
He pushed it away and turned around to face them. His eyes were pitch black instead of the usual golden light inside and the ground seemed to vibrate under his feet.  
“Merlin, what's going in?”, Isabelle asked and tried to reach out to him again, “Calm down!”  
“Go away, Morgana!”, Merlin growled and shoved her to the ground.  
“Merlin! Merlin, it's me! Isabelle!”, the young girl said afraid of what had happened to her childhood friend.  
“Isabelle?”, there was a spark of recognition in Merlin's eyes but instead of making his emotions turn down again it seemed to result in the complete opposite.  
“You! You... you are Morgana! It's all because of you!”, he said, moving his hand towards her neck, clenching his fingers around her slender throat.  
“You put a spell on him, admit it! So he wouldn't remember me”, he growled and closed his fingers slightly.  
“I...”, she coughed, “Merlin, you are scaring me, I don't know what you are talking about”, she tried to move away from his grip, but it was impossible.  
“You wanted me to suffer all alone”, Merlin yelled, “but this time, I won't let you live. Not this time, no, I won't make the same mistake again, Morgana”  
He tightened his grip around her neck, Isabelle trying to push him off with her hands, but she was too weak, “Merlin! Merlin!”, she kept repeating, her voice growing into more coughs than words, “lemme... go”  
“I won't let you have Arthur” The storm was swirling loudly around them.  
“Arthur?”, Isabelle asked chokingly, “he broke... it … off”  
Suddenly everything around them froze and Merlin's face turned blank.  
“Merlin, Merlin!”, Isabelle was able to remover herself from Merlin's loosened grip and pulled him into her arms, “I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. If only I had known. He told me, a week ago, but you weren't here, I couldn't reach you”  
Merlin just stood there, keeping still, his eyes slowly turning back to their original blue colour.  
“I'm sorry, Merlin. I'm so sorry. I didn't know he was... you two were... I'm sorry”  
Merlin fell into her arms and as he did so did the storm. As quickly as it had appeared it had gone and all that was left was the chaos it had caused and Merlin sitting on the ground in Isabelle's arms.  
“I never meant to hurt you”, she promised, holding him close, already forgotten what he had done to her only minutes before.  
“Me neither. I didn't... I wasn't myself. I'm so sorry, Belle. I don't know what came over me”, Merlin sobbed into her shoulder, holding onto her with all his might, “I'm sorry, can you ever forgive me”  
“Merlin”, Isabelle, “Of course I forgive you and no matter what happened these past few weeks, I will always be your friend, you know that right?”  
Merlin looked at her through tearful eyes and bit down on his lips, “So... you know?”  
She smiled, “It's alright, Merlin. Don't worry about it. He's all yours”  
“Uhm...”  
“He said he loves you. He's always loved only you. He just didn't want to believe it... the usual, I guess”, she shrugged and brushed Merlin's tears off, “I think there's someone you should go see now, right?”  
Merlin hugged her once more, got to his feet and went back into his car. Thankfully it had only gotten a few scratches due to the storm but nothing that magic couldn't fix.


	9. Chapter 7 - the end

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will Arthur finally remember?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the end ... took way too long I know, but well... I DID finish it didn't I? XD

Isabelle tried calling him. He wouldn't pick up the phone. Why would he? For all he knew it could be Arthur on the other side of the line trying to make amends. Merlin wouldn't let him. Not this easily, not that fast.  
The young sorcerer stretched out on his bed inside his old shed and rolled onto his stomach facing down. He breathed in the somehow unfamiliar scent of vanilla on his pillow and closed his eyes. This would be his home once again. Away from the rest of the world, a lone wolf left behind in a time that didn't need him. It hurt to know that Arthur didn't need him anymore. There were no evil witches or wizards out there trying to kill him and take over his lands. Arthur wasn't even anyone. He was no one, just like Merlin had once been and always would be.  
The old clock in his bedroom was ticking and Merlin heard the distant cries of the birds in soughing trees. He listened closely to his surroundings, eyes closed and lost in distant memories.  
The sound of rain falling from the sky, banging in a first slow then faster rhythm against the windows and the roof reminded him of an era in which rain had meant cleansing. He remembered summer days when he would run out upon the music of raindrops hitting the earthy ground, making puddles on the streets and letting narrow streams well up and leave their riverbed, finding a new path through the woods and muddy fields of tiny villages. As a boy he had loved standing in the rain shower, feeling as if the world was being cleansed from all failure and dirt it had collected. It was when Merlin had felt one with nature, a time when he had forgotten that he was different from everyone else.  
However, that was in the past. Now, he felt lost and lonely when he heard the rain pelting against glass and wood.

Hours must have had passed when Merlin opened his eyes again. Sun was shining through the window leaving a trail of golden light on his bedsheets. He blinked and tried to find his orientation. A small black bug was climbing over the folds in his sheets, inches away from his face. Merlin tried to focus on the little fellow and watched it make its way up and down the creases.  
The rain had stopped a while ago it seemed and even though Merlin felt a bit hungry he couldn't find the strength to get up. Instead he kept lying on his bed, looking at the world from the perspective of a bug.  
Everything seemed to move in slow motion and time went by more slowly than usual. He watched the fingers on the clock jump one by one, second by second. Tic tac tic tac tic tac.  
An endless wheel of motion.  
He rolled onto his back again and stared at the ceiling. Then Merlin closed his eyes and saw a picture in front of his inner eye: The back of a man who was standing tall and proud, his red cloak dancing up and down in the slight breeze of the day, playing with his blonde hair and the soft music of metal moving against each other came back to Merlin's ears. He could smell the fresh grass of the meadow and the sweat coming from the man who's lips were curling up into a smile as he turned around to look at him.  
Merlin placed his arms over his face as he felt the tears welling up again, remembering the way Arthur used to say his name, to call out for him, to cry and shout after him in agony, fear and full of emotion, Merlin was almost sure now that he had felt just as strongly about him as he felt about Arthur. It hurt. So much. The pain wouldn't go away and Merlin's sobs grew louder and more desperate.  
Although he had said he would forget about Arthur, that he would make him suffer this time, that he would ignore and hate him, he simply couldn't. He still loved him with all his heart and he knew fairly well that this fact would never change. His whole essence was filled with his destiny, which was bound to the once and future king of Camelot – for as long as he lived.

Thus he decided it was time to go back home. It was no good hiding away from what was bound to happen. Maybe he could see him once more and explain himself, maybe he still had a chance or maybe he wouldn't meet him ever again.  
When he was parking his car in front of their house, he saw someone standing at the door. Merlin turned off the engine, climbed out off his vehicle and made his way to the other person, who now turned around to look at him.  
“Merlin!”, it was a young woman he was sure he had met before. She was wearing an all too familiar black dress and her raven dark hair was flowing wildly down around her head. She had dark green eyes and her lips curled into a smile upon seeing him approaching her.  
“Mor...gana?”, he asked carefully, unsure of what to think about this situation.  
“Yes, you remember me!”, the woman nodded and threw her arms around him. He backed away quickly, pushing her off.  
“What do you want?”, he asked cautiously.  
“Why are you like this?”, she said with a sad face and bit down on her bottom lip, “Now that we finally got the chance to meet again”  
“Since when are you back? And what are you planning?”  
“So cold”, she pouted her lips and tried to reach out for him, “I thought we were friends”  
Merlin pushed her hands away. “Don't give me that, Morgana. Last time I saw you you tried to kill Arthur”  
Morgana made an apologetic face, though a very fake one, “I didn't know what else to do. I was supposed to be queen. You must understand that. And in the end”  
She moved closer into his personal space and hissed, “you killed me”  
Merlin meant to shove her, but she swiftly moved away before he could even touch her, “You won, Merlin. You got to save your little king and lived happily ever after, I bet. All the legends are talking about both of your heroic doings and-”  
“Arthur died. Mordred had wounded him mortally. He DIED, Morgana!”, Merlin almost yelled, “In my arms!”  
The clouds above started to gather and the sky got darker by the minute.  
“I couldn't protect him as I had promised. And it's all YOUR fault!”, Merlin pointed at her and forced her back against the wall of the house.  
“It's not my fault”, she said smirking, not caring about her position, “It's only his own fault, Merlin. He couldn't protect himself from what was happening. It was his fault that Mordred turned against Arthur. I didn't get his girlfriend executed, Merlin. That was all Arthur”  
Merlin hit the wall next to Morgana with his bare fist and rain started to pour, lightning struck and a storm came up, “It's not his fault” because he knew it was his own fault. He had always known and regretted, so many things, so many chances. Their dreams had ended way too early.  
“Well, Merlin”, Morgana whispered into Merlin's ears, “Don't you think it's all over? Arthur died. And he forgot all about you”  
Merlin shut his eyes tightly and he fought against the urge to cry, “No, no, no” He felt the anger well up in him, the pain of being neglected once again, left alone.  
“He found someone else who's special to him. He doesn't need you anymore!”  
Merlin shook his head violently, “No, no!”  
“And he never did!”  
“NO!”, Merlin almost screamed and it was as if the sky erupted and he sent a dozen bolts down to the ground. The sound of trees breaking, people screaming and children crying.  
The sorcerer fell to his knees on the muddy ground and kept his eyes shut, not wanting to live in a world without Arthur anymore. It had been too much, too long, too painful. He was unable to stand it any longer.  
The figure of Morgana had vanished into thin air in front of him as if it had never been there but Merlin didn't notice. He was too desperate, too lost and in too much vain to realise what was going on around him.  
“Merlin?”, a sudden voice broke through the storm and a hand was placed on his shoulder.  
He pushed it away and turned around to face them. His eyes were pitch black instead of the usual golden light inside and the ground seemed to vibrate under his feet.  
“Merlin, what's going in?”, Isabelle asked and tried to reach out to him again, “Calm down!”  
“Go away, Morgana!”, Merlin growled and shoved her to the ground.  
“Merlin! Merlin, it's me! Isabelle!”, the young girl said afraid of what had happened to her childhood friend.  
“Isabelle?”, there was a spark of recognition in Merlin's eyes but instead of making his emotions turn down again it seemed to result in the complete opposite.  
“You! You... you are Morgana! It's all because of you!”, he said, moving his hand towards her neck, clenching his fingers around her slender throat.  
“You put a spell on him, admit it! So he wouldn't remember me”, he growled and closed his fingers slightly.  
“I...”, she coughed, “Merlin, you are scaring me, I don't know what you are talking about”, she tried to move away from his grip, but it was impossible.  
“You wanted me to suffer all alone”, Merlin yelled, “but this time, I won't let you live. Not this time, no, I won't make the same mistake again, Morgana”  
He tightened his grip around her neck, Isabelle tryed pushing him off with her hands, but she was too weak, “Merlin! Merlin!”, she kept repeating, her voice growing into more coughs than words, “lemme... go”  
“I won't let you have Arthur” The storm was swirling loudly around them.  
“Arthur?”, Isabelle asked chokingly, “he broke... it … off”  
Suddenly everything around them froze and Merlin's face turned blank.  
“Merlin, Merlin!”, Isabelle was able to remove herself from Merlin's loosened grip and pulled him into her arms, “I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. If only I had known. He told me, a week ago, but you weren't here, I couldn't reach you”  
Merlin just stood there, keeping still, his eyes slowly turning back to their original blue colour.  
“I'm sorry, Merlin. I'm so sorry. I didn't know he was... you two were... I'm sorry”  
Merlin fell into her arms and as he did so did the storm. As quickly as it had appeared it had gone and all that was left was the chaos it had caused and Merlin sitting on the ground in Isabelle's arms.  
“I never meant to hurt you”, she promised, holding him close, already forgotten what he had done to her only minutes before.  
“Me neither. I didn't... I wasn't myself. I'm so sorry, Belle. I don't know what came over me”, Merlin sobbed into her shoulder, holding onto her with all his might, “I'm sorry, can you ever forgive me”  
“Merlin”, Isabelle, “Of course I forgive you and no matter what happened these past few weeks, I will always be your friend, you know that right?”  
Merlin looked at her through tearful eyes and bit down on his lips, “So... you know?”  
She smiled, “It's alright, Merlin. Don't worry about it. He's all yours”  
“Uhm...”  
“He said he loves you. He's always loved only you. He just didn't want to believe it... the usual, I guess”, she shrugged and brushed Merlin's tears off, “I think there's someone you should go see now, right?”  
Merlin hugged her once more, got to his feet and went back into his car. Thankfully it had only gotten a few scratches due to the storm but nothing that magic couldn't fix.

When Merlin reached Arthur's house he wasn't quite sure how to meet him anymore. He stood in front of the door contemplating what to say and how to react.  
Suddenly the door opened and Arthur was there. His eyes widened as he realised Merlin's presence and all he said was: “Oh”  
They looked at each other and Merlin stared in silence.  
Arthur's lips curled into a relieved smile as he bent forward to pull his friend into a hug.  
“Merlin”, he whispered as he held him tightly.  
“Arthur”, Merlin said quietly and gripped him back, not planning to let go any time soon, “I've missed you”  
“Me too”, Arthur said and bit down on his bottom lip” I'm sorry for what I may have said to you. I'm sorry I lied and pretended. I never should have. But I was so scared”  
“It's alright, Arthur”  
Arthur moved back just enough so they could look into each others eyes. “It's not alright. I was a coward. I was too scared of what people might think”  
“That you are crazy? Believe me, I've been there”  
Arthur chuckled, “If it were only that” He sighed and Merlin smiled.  
“Don't worry”, the young sorcerer said “It's all gonna be okay now. Now that we are together again”  
“I'm not sure about that, but what I know is... I want to be with you, Merlin. No matter what my parent say and I hope you... you want the same”  
Merlin rose an eyebrow and chuckled. “What do you mean, what's it gotta do with your parents. You are your own man Arthur, a grown man, a... king”  
Arthur laughed at that, “Sometimes I wonder about you Merlin. A king? You are cute”  
He stroked his cheek and gave him a tender kiss, “But only your king then”  
“You will always be my king, Arthur. You've always been”  
“Whatever you say, princess. Or... are you my queen then?”, he winked at him and Merlin made an irritated face.  
“No, I'm just a servant. I'm of no royal blood”  
Arthur poked his forehead, “Stop being stupid, Merlin. All I wanna know is, do you... love me?”  
Merlin stared, his eyes started to water, “Of course, my lord. I've always loved you, and I always will! I thought you knew that. I thought... you had the same feelings for me too. Even back then!”  
“I probably did, but I wasn't ready to admit it”, Arthur's cheeky grin turned into a sad smile, “I'm really sorry I made you wait for so long, but honestly, who'd think their first love would ever come true?”  
“I was... your first love?”, Merlin couldn't believe what he heard.  
“And the only one, if you must know. It was really weird, the second I met you it felt like... destiny”, he brushed some hair out of Merlin's face and looked at him lovingly.  
“It was the same for me... well, not entirely but mostly”, Merlin admitted and it earned him a slap from Arthur.  
“Idiot”  
Merlin grinned widely, “I'm so happy you are back, Arthur. Making me wait for over a thousand years wasn't nice, you prat”  
“Very funny. I didn't think that ten years are the same as a thousand”, he stuck out his tongue and pulled Merlin inside his house by the arm.  
“Wait, ten years? Is that what it felt like to you? I seriously waited forever for you to come back. And when I finally felt you back in this realm I thought it would be great to be young again too. I'm over a thousand years old, Arthur. I'm an old man, I have seen things you can't even imagine!”  
Arthur stopped and stared.  
“There was a time I didn't believe you would ever come back and now that you did I must wonder why. Why did you come back, Arthur? The great dragon once talked about a new destiny, that the lands would be in grave danger again and that would trigger your return to prevent it from happening”  
“Merlin?”, Arthur let Merlin's hand go.  
“I know I should be and I really am grateful that you finally have returned, but what if I'll loose you all over again? I wouldn't be able to stand that, I don't want that. I can't let it happen. I cannot see you die once more, Arthur! It would kill me!”  
“Seeing me die?”, Arthur made a face, “What are you talking about? Do I look dead to you”  
“No”, Merlin shook his head, “No, you are not, but... what if it all happens again? I saw Morgana, Arthur. I'm sure she's planning something once again”  
“Merlin, you are scaring me”, Arthur took a step back.  
“No, don't be. I will protect you, Arthur. I will, I promise. This time I won't let anything happen to you, I swear. I'll rather die than see you dead”  
“Merlin, what are you talking about?”, Arthur was yelling now and startled Merlin.  
“The... past? When I... I promised to protect you? And I couldn't? Because Mordred got to you first and I couldn't do anything about it?”, Merlin said slowly, “Don't you remember?”  
“No, and what do you even mean? Mordred? Morgana? Are you... insane? Just because your name is Merlin doesn't mean you are some old school wizard, Merlin”  
“But Arthur, I am”, Merlin reached out to the blond.  
“You are... you are crazy”, Arthur moved backwards and away from his old friend.  
“No, … I thought... I thought you remembered and that's why you broke up with Belle... didn't you?”  
“No, Merlin. I broke up with her because I finally admitted to myself that I'm gay and that back then during the summer holidays I kind of fell in love with a dark haired idiot”  
Merlin stared at him, “You mean, you don't remember anything?”  
“I remember everything from the trip and when we met again because of Belle”  
“Oh”, was all Merlin could respond.  
“Why do disappointed? Don't you... like me, too?”, Arthur said and folded his arms.  
“No, yes. I do. But I thought... I had hoped... why am I always the only one remembering?”, he slipped to the ground and buried his face in his hands, “So you don't really love me”  
Arthur stared.  
“You don't even know me, so how can you say that?”  
“And how can you be so weird all of a sudden?”, Arthur sat down next to him, “Why is it so complicated all of a sudden? I thought you'd be happy. I thought... we could be happy. I had hoped I could finally be honest and myself with you and then you pull this crazy person stunt making me doubt myself all over”  
“No”, Merlin quickly turned around to face him, “I'm not crazy! You are King Arthur of Camelot and I am Merlin-”  
“Will you stop it?”, Arthur shoved Merlin and got up, gripping his fingers into a fist, “You are destroying everything!”  
“Arthur”, Merlin said quietly then, “Would I be able to do this if I were lying?”  
Arthur looked around and saw a fire dragon dancing in Merlin's palm. His eyes widened, “How do you do that? Is that some kind of magic trick?”  
“No trick, no mirrors, no fake bottoms, just magic”, Merlin said with a smile and blew against the dragon to let it fly over towards Arthur.  
“I'm a sorcerer, Arthur. I have magic and I already told you all this, but I never used it to hurt you nor would I ever do that. All I ever used my powers for is to protect you”, he knelt down in front of his long lost king, “I am your servant, your friend and I love you. I will protect you forever with my life, my King”  
Arthur couldn't stop staring as the dragon puffed into nothingness and little sparks fell down over Merlin's head like fireworks.  
“I... I can't believe this”, Arthur said, rubbing his head.  
“You don't have to, but it's the truth and I promise to never lie to you again”, he looked up at Arthur now, meeting his eyes.  
“This is crazy”, Arthur laughed hysterically.  
“Even if you don't remember now, Arthur. You will, one day. I'm sure of it”  
Arthur sighed and pulled him up to his feet, “No matter how crazy you sound, Merlin. I can't stop believing you. There's just something about you, Merlin... I always knew there was something special about your whole being”  
“I really do have magic, Arthur”  
“Whatever you say, Merlin”, he pulled him close once again and cuddled him, petting his head. “And I'm the greatest king that ever lived, right”  
“Yeah, exactly”, Merlin said smiling as Arthur kissed him.


End file.
